A basic guide for navigating women’s online dating profiles
Dear men, we know it is not easy. Women can be contradictory, demanding, impulsive, unpredictable and quick to take offense, and God help you if you call us any of those things. I should know: I am one. Yet in spite of all of this you want a woman in your life, and you have embarked on an online dating quest to find the woman of your dreams, one whose qualities will be more than enough to offset her shortcomings. You are a brave man and I salute you.
Since you probably feel like a gladiator going into the online dating arena, it is only fair for us to tell you what kind of creatures you are bound to face, so you can best prepare your attack, defense or escape route. Hike up your shield and follow us!
Sweet and cute:
These are sweet girls, usually very girly, and they tend to go by usernames like “SweetAngel.” If you are looking for romance (as opposed to a casual romp) and you like women to be feminine and ladylike, these ladies are a very good bet for you, although some may stray into high-maintenance territory: beware of profile names like “F1rtzlady” and “DadezCutest,” who may be a bit more precious than some men are willing to deal with.
Sexy and Free:
If you’re looking for a fun fling or a party mate, take a look at one of the many profiles with names like “SXYCHIK###.” With taglines like “im singl3 and ready to mingl3”, “a craze girl luking for a good friend2have fun wit” and “pARTY LIKE A ROCK STAR,” you can tell these girls are fun, confident, and not looking for marriage or kids. Of course, if they never call you back after giving you the night of your life, don’t say you weren’t warned!
Beyond “sexy and free”:
This is an interesting category – I was not able to clarify whether most of these ladies were looking for friendship or a roll in the hay, even though their names and taglines suggest they may be familiar with foreign practices you and I have never heard of. See what I tell you about women being contradictory? Take “Wildncrazyone”, who wrote “Can’t Get No Satisfaction” as her tagline; and “MZ.BUTT”, who claims to be “d type of female dat get you sprung.” The message could not be clearer, right? Then there’s “EROTICANGE” and “Sweetnaked1”, who says “WARNING! This sexy hot beauty can cause addiction!” Don’t get too excited – both ladies are only looking for friendship on their site. It makes you wonder what they mean by friendship…
A little challenging:
I am being euphemistic here – these ladies will probably slap you if you open a door for them. Or weep if you don’t. Good luck finding out which. A profile name like “FaceitImPurfect” or “Iamstr8edge” pretty much speaks for itself; I am left to wonder, what kind of men are these women searching for? If drama is your thing and you like your women feisty and fiery, keep an eye out for taglines such as “Sarcastic and negative-what else could u want?”, “If U WaNt A cHaLLeNgE,I’m MoRe ThEn Enough 2HaNdLe” and “Love Me, Hate ME, I am Me.” For a little more fun you might want to date either of these: “i want to be freaked out!!!” or “nOo gUy Is WoRtH yoUr TeArS ! F**K lOoVe,” I guarantee there will not be a dull moment. A final word for “MelancholyPat” whose tagline “I want Happiness….” kinda broke my heart. Can we find a nice man for Pat? Anyone?
Random:
Sometimes life is magical, weird and wonderful, and sometimes people are. Confident men with a sense of adventure may find sparks with some of these girls – just expect the unexpected! There’s the quirky “UrTicket2Heaven” and the unexpected “God’s Princess” (who appears in a very sexy pose while demurely dressed.) And I must admit I am intrigued by the girl whose tagline is “If you were a booger i’d pick you first!” Who knows, maybe you’ll find the perfect match for all your quirks and eccentricities!
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