Breaking Up is Hard to Do – Part 4

In the first three parts of Breaking Up is Hard to Do we went through every nook and cranny of breaking up, from the reasons why to the role of written letters. In Part 4, we’ll conclude our breaking up intensive with advice on the actual break-up conversation.

I Like Your Hair

The very first thing you have to do in the break up conversation is look at the other person. You absolutely positively must be face to face with your soon-to-be ex. And furthermore, you may want to begin with a compliment about their physical appearance.

Why compliment the look of what it is that you are leaving? Simple:

We’ve already been through why it’s important to make the break-up about you in Part 1, a part of doing that is in portraying to your ex the positive qualities they have (ie, the things that make it hard for you to be splitting up). It’s just being kind to this person if you take the time to compliment them in three basic areas:

  1. The Physical Being – this is where you can compliment everything from their hair to their eyes, just make sure that it’s authentic.
  2. The Thinking Being – this is where you compliment a decision that this person has made. Many times people overlook complimenting the intellectual being because they don’t know how to do it. Try saying this “You are so smart because you ___ed ___” then fill in the blanks with an appropriate verb and a noun respectively (break-up MadLibs!)
  3. The Emotional Being – this is where you talk about the way that they’ve made you feel at their best.

At least at first, make sure that you are the one doing all of the talking. If and when you’ve spoken your peace, then let them speak – but not before.

Ending a relationship is an excruciating process. If it isn’t, then you are not doing relationships correctly. Just disentangling the fiscal and physical things you two share can be headache enough, factor in the emotional crucible of a split – breaking up hurts.

But remember that an intense emotional experience does not necessarily have to be an out-of-control event. Of course your feelings are going to become enormous at times – that’s part of the gig. But if you go into it with a basic plan of action like the one we’ve laid out for you, you’ll find that you’re able to more quickly get to the heart of the matter and move on with your life.

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