Coping with Anxiety in Romance – Part 2In Part 1 of Coping with Anxiety in Romance we examined the importance of admitting to yourself the potential of getting better when it comes to the initial surge of energy you feel when first meeting someone. In Part 2, we’ll continue dealing with pre-romance anxiety and move on to feelings felt in the early stages of a relationship. Bust a Move So you’ve seen this person who is stirring you up and now the question has become how to make the jump from passers-by to daters. Of course it is as simple as walking up to them, saying hi and asking if they want to go out and do something. Of course, it never seems so simple when you start feeling anxiety. Taking action is the opposite of anxiety. Anxiety is a crippling space of fear and doubled-over self-doubt; action is where you go out and do something. And it can give you some crazy kind of panic attack when you realize, “Oh God, I have to go do something now.” Here is where our next piece of real advice kicks in, and it is a tried and true standard in the anxiety coping world: Breath in through your nose and out through your mouth. Do it again – breath in through your nose and out through your mouth. Do it at least ten times deeply, the first two or three times it may seem futile. Just keep doing it and a part of you will calm down. Once you feel calmer, go in and say hi. Be honest and open and even if this person laughs you away, I promise you that you will feel better about yourself. Because no matter what they do, you will have chosen to overcome your anxiety and go forward into action in this, your one and only life. And that is everything. Fear of a First Date And all of a sudden, the day has come and you are one hour away from being alone together, out and about in the world. And you freak out. You’re not sure what to wear, how open to be, if you’ll like this person… if they will like you. Oh my God – will they like you? More often than not, the center of the first date anxiety is whether or not they will like you (and the very deep emotional places that that question comes from). After all, you know that you are a basket case… and no one wants to be with a basket case. But you know that the answer is not to pretend to be someone that you are not – but a part of you feels like you have always been someone that you are not. So should you just curl up in a ball, turn on awful movies and forget about everything? Or is there something else you can do? Read Part 3 of Coping with Anxiety in Romance for more on overcoming anxiety before your first date and some strategies employ when dealing with sex or a major step in your relationship. |
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