Dear ODS: Am I Settling for Less Than I Should?Dear ODS, I’m 43 and haven’t dated much. I’m overweight and I guess I’m plain too. I’m with a guy who is like me and treats me wonderfully but there’s not much of a romantic spark between us and we very rarely have sex. He’s proposed to me and I’m definitely not in love with him even though I really appreciate him – What do I do? Staring Down the Rest of It Dear Staring Down the Rest of It, How does anybody ever know what marriage is going to bring? While a lot of people will tell you that there has to be passionate love, after a decade, every Casanova’s white hot heat cools down. On the other hand, you only live once. The fact is that only you know what you can live with, and more importantly, what you can live as. If you would be marrying this guy because you’re afraid of being alone, then my advice would be get yourself a makeover and seek some counseling, because you think those bad feelings are tough now – wait 15 years! On the other hand, if this is someone who you can see building a life together with and sex is not that important to you, then you may want to really consider accepting that proposal. This is less a question about what you want in a companion, and more a question about what you want in yourself. Dear ODS, I’ve been out with the same woman twice now and I’ve only ever kissed her on the cheek. We’re going out again in the very near future and I’d like to get some more heat going. Any advice? Thank you, Shy Guy in Sacramento Dear Shy Guy in Sacramento, Wouldn’t it be nice if the next time you met her she grabbed you by the ears and kissed you like neither of you had anything to do for three weeks? Do you think she may be thinking the same thing about you? Look, most women expect men to make the first move. And if you’re now headed out on your third date with this woman, it’s pretty likely that she is not just looking at you as a friend; she may even want you to break the ice. So stop daydreaming and take some action! Don’t jump on her, but initiate some physical contact like holding her hand or putting an arm around her and see how she reacts. And if by some really weird miscommunication that is not what she is looking for, then she will ask you to stop, you will stop… and that’s it – the sun will come out tomorrow. To ask ODS a question of your own, simply address your question to Dear ODS at contact@onlinedatingsites.org. We cannot promise we will answer every single question, but we will do our best to cover as many as possible on the column. |
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