Dear ODS: An Unholy MessDear ODS, I feel like a failure and that I’m generally a worthless idiot because I love the wrong people or love them the wrong way. I get off the phone with my ex-girlfriend’s new boyfriend after telling him that I’ve been with her the past few nights and that we love each other again. He freaks out and hangs up, won’t answer her or my calls. She freaks out and tells me that she had been cheating on me the whole first time that we were together and that she wants to move past it. Now I’m feeling like why should I trust a liar again… should I get back with her or not? Sincerely, Bomba3322 Dear Bomba3322 Good Lord, what a mess! She’s cheating on you, now she’s cheating with you, you’re calling the new boyfriend – this is a mess! That may sound like a trivialization or something said at your expense, it isn’t – it’s the first part of my answer. The first thing that you need to do is throw your hands up and admit that this is officially a mess. Not a few snags or something which you can wriggle out of – this is a 100% mess. This means that there is no retracing your steps, no subtle changes in your problem-solving strategy – this is a call for a total system reboot. All right then, hands thrown up and now what? Let’s start with the easier ones first and progress from there. Number One, stay away from the new boyfriend (or ex-boyfriend rather). This guy has been wronged and if he wants to communicate with either of you, that’s up to him. If and when he comes at you, know that you were in the wrong and proceed forward. Do not call him, do not text him – if and when he wants to chat with you, chat. She shouldn’t contact him either, but let’s not even get started with what she should and shouldn’t be doing. Number Two, I would never say that you should or should not be with anyone (provided that they are not causing your physical harm) but man, that is a rough ride you are trying to take. I’d almost tell you to forget about her and the whole situation for a little while and look at just what it is that drives you from a romantic standpoint. Because if you are going for ladies like this, then, my friend, you’ve got some issues of your own to work on. If you do decide to stick with her, find a way to be specific with the limits of the relationship and the consequences if those are broken. And frankly, if you stick with her and find out in 6 months that she’s been cheating on you, you’ve got no one to blame but yourself. Of course, if you wake up in 6 years with a wonderful faithful wife who conquered her issues, you’d have no one to congratulate but yourself either. I’m guessing the former would be more likely. To ask ODS a question of your own, simply address your question to Dear ODS at contact@onlinedatingsites.org. We cannot promise we will answer every single question, but we will do our best to cover as many as possible on the column. |
|
Write a Review