Dear ODS: Can I Love and Club?Dear ODS, Hello, I am a 24 year old real estate agent getting close to falling in love with a man I recently met. He is wonderful but he is 29 and 4 years in recovery for drugs and alcohol. I’m not crazy but I like to go out to bars and clubs especially. But he can’t go and I think he might get jealous in the future. The last thing I’d want to do is make him relapse and hurt him or anything like that. Should I break it off with him and if I do, should I tell him it’s because of his sobriety? Thank you IsTiffanyAwake? Dear IsTiffanyAwake? All right, let me see if I’ve got this right: You are young and single but moving into a new professional career and open to the possibility of love. You feel strong things for this new guy but you’re concerned that his desire to stay away from alcohol will come between you two. And not the drinking of alcohol itself but the going to bars and clubs which serve alcohol… you are thinking about breaking it off with a guy you are falling in love with because you are afraid that he might get jealous about your going to bars and clubs? Do I have that right? You are not going to allow yourself to pursue a potential relationship with a guy because you don’t want to make him jealous? This sounds to me like you are avoiding responsibility. I hear a young person just embarking on adulthood who is still enjoying partying. I hear that person unsure about growing up. Because it isn’t that you’re wrong to look at the different way that you and a potential mate live your lives – you’re absolutely correct to do that! Nor is it wrong that you take this man’s sobriety seriously and observe its importance. In fact, nothing you are talking about here is wrong. So as your dating advice columnist, sure, dump him because the fact is that your two lives are just too different at this point. But if I were your mother or your father, I would tell you to look at the priorities in your life. You are not going to spend your life going to clubs and bars and it may seem important now… but it isn’t. Someone that you could love and partner up with… that’s the important stuff. You’re 24 years old – you are not a teenager anymore nor are you an Undergrad. You don’t get many shots at actual love; are you really prepared to throw this one away for clubbing? To ask ODS a question of your own, simply address your question to Dear ODS at contact@onlinedatingsites.org. We cannot promise we will answer every single question, but we will do our best to cover as many as possible on the column. |
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