Dear ODS: Guilt by Non-AssociationDear ODS, I’ve never been on a blind date before and as a whole, I haven’t done much dating. I was set-up with this woman and my friend assured me that she was at least a ‘7.’ Met her at the restaurant and she was less than 5 feet tall and well over 30% body fat. Now I used to be really heavy so I like to think that I can look past that – she wasn’t particularly interesting either but I was so not into her from the get go that I wouldn’t have wanted anything physical to happen even if she was cool. Now I feel bad because that stinks – I used to be heavy and I don’t want to be the guy whose all about physical stuff. Thank you, Da Reel Americun Beast Dear Da Reel Americun Beast There are two answers to your question that I’d like to give you. Well, there is really just the one answer to your question and the rest of it will attend to something else. Anyways, first off – the major difference between friends and lovers is requited physical attraction. That is to say, you have to be attracted to someone in order to be with them. Let me correct that, you SHOULD be attracted to someone in order to be with them as one of the major lynchpins in most functioning relationships is a healthy sexual life. It would be unhealthy for you to constantly sexually engage with someone whom you are not attracted to. So Part 1, the physical attraction has to be there. Which isn’t to say that the emotional connection should not – you need both to have a fulfilling relationship. Part 2: you are a human being. One of the things that prolonged body perception issues can do is to make you feel like less of a person (particularly in the US). You could as soon deny the physical demands of your molecules as you could solve world hunger. I know that you don’t want to become a part of that singular throbbing group of people whom you felt had rejected you for so long for being fat… so don’t. As long as you give someone a chance to share themselves with you, then you have acted in such a way as “they” would not. Namely, you did not disregard someone completely for their physical appearance. Because most dates don’t end in a love connection, particularly not blind dates. As long as you remain open to becoming friends with whomever fits your friend criteria, you have nothing to feel guilty about. To ask ODS a question of your own, simply address your question to Dear ODS at contact@onlinedatingsites.org. We cannot promise we will answer every single question, but we will do our best to cover as many as possible on the column. |
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