Dear ODS: I’ve Fallen in Love with a Married ManDear ODS, I’ve fallen in love with a married man – help! Help me, help me, help me, So Screwed Dear So Screwed, OK, take a deep breath – there is actually more at play here than the marriage status of your 9 times out of 10, those who fall in love with married people are in fact looking to enjoy the fruits of a relationship without doing any of the gardening. You need to be honest with yourself on a number of levels: are you actually in love with this person or are you in love with the idea of this person? For example, do you have a regular routine that this man has been functioning inside of and could continue functioning inside of? Or are you excited at what COULD happen if only he would choose you? How would your life work if this person did choose you? Is this person actually going to choose you? Do you really know this person or are you enamored with the idea of them? I want to tell you to ditch him and be done with it but hey, maybe you two are meant for each other. You need to be honest with yourself and what will work for your life, and really, you need to take a cold hard look at who you actually are versus who you think you are. I’m a Gay Californian living through absolute bigotry. Not only was Prop 8 a complete piece of prejudice, now I find out that eHarmony.com won’t even match me up with someone gay! Are you as shocked as I am?! Thank you, OUTraged Dear OUTraged, Having worked in the professional dating world for a while now, I can honestly say that nothing shocks me. I don’t know why homosexuality is such a big deal (and on Prop 8 – I have no answers on how Prop 8 passed, particularly as it passed in the same election when a huge civil rights barrier came crumbling down in the election of Barack Obama). That said – take it easy on eHarmony, they are not a secret Nazi enclave. Dr. Warren, the founder and front man for eHarmony, has publically stated the heat that religious organizations like Focus on the Family have put on eHarmony has been a very real threat to income. On top of that, eHarmony has launched a sister site called Compatible Partners where gay matches are made. After all, if 10% of the population is gay and eHarmony.com makes its money by matching people up, it would not be a particularly intelligent business model to lop 10% of your potential business off. Does it look bad that eHarmony doesn’t do homosexual matching? To those of us who believe that gay individuals are owed every last right as heterosexuals – absolutely. But does it shock me that there are still people in the world who are hung up on this stuff? Sadly, no. So if you take nothing else from this response, take this – eHarmony does not hate gay people. To ask ODS a question of your own, simply address your question to Dear ODS at contact@onlinedatingsites.org. We cannot promise we will answer every single question, but we will do our best to cover as many as possible on the column.
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