Dear ODS: I May Have Said Too Much…Dear ODS, I’ve been thinking about it and I love my girlfriend but we were fighting and I probably crossed the line. She was being a baby and so I told her that I wasn’t sure about our future because I didn’t think that she would be a good mother. That was like two days ago and she still hasn’t answered her cell phone – what do I do? Sincerely, StandforPenguins1984 Dear StandforPenguins1984, So the first thing to say is yes, you did cross the line. Telling a female that she is not going to be a good mother is more or les, the worst thing you could say to a young woman. Even if it were true, I’m truly without a more damaging thing to say to a woman. I’m not even sure if there is a male equivalent (if you can think of one, let me know here: contact@onlinedatingsites.org). While the reparation process is a unique one in every relationship as it ultimately revolves around communication and understanding between the separate parties, there are a few things you can try to get the ball rolling. Make no mistake, this is going to be a process. Even when tempers have cooled and a relative peace is reached, that sentence will be brewing in her mind for years, in all likelihood. First: Space but not a Vacuum. All too often people think that the idea of space = no contact. This is not entirely the way to think of space in the reparation sense. Always give your girlfriend or boyfriend a night to cool off. Give them a call in the morning and if they don’t answer, leave a message. Give them a couple of hours to respond and if they don’t, then rest assured – they are mad. Once they are mad, the only thing you can do is periodically check-in with love and wait. Second: Demonstrate that you have made a Change. If your lover is in fact angry over something specific then paying heed to that thing and demonstrating your understanding of its importance is key. In your case, you will need to demonstrate to your girlfriend that you do think that she will be a good mother and that you just blurted something out to hurt her previously. Let her take care of something important, a big dinner, a pet, a living space – something that a mother would do. Flowers, chocolates, all of that stuff is sweet but unnecessary in issues of real conflict like this. You are not going to make up for this one with Godiva. Finally, watch it with that stuff – words can be just as rough as punches…and you are swinging hard. To ask ODS a question of your own, simply address your question to Dear ODS at contact@onlinedatingsites.org. We cannot promise we will answer every single question, but we will do our best to cover as many as possible on the column. |
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