Dear ODS: I’m Taken for GrantedDear ODS, This is certainly my fault in the end first of all. I am forever the listener of people’s problems and accessory and third/fifth wheel. I am the confidant of at least 3 people and I love them but I feel used. I feel used because they never ask me about me yet continue on as I listen to them interested as hell! What should I do? BSMaidNeverBride Dear BSMaidNeverBride, I understand where you are coming from NeverBride – of course I understand, I write an advice column! Let me approach you from a few different angles. In general, we all love someone to listen to. You are obviously a great listener and you can’t blame someone too much for leaning on friends with unique strengths. You also obviously have a problem with asserting your own identity with certain type of person. These people could be leaning too much for a number of reasons, each of which would bring a different course of action. For example, If they are truly devastated and needing a shoulder, then providing them that support for a period of time is probably the best thing you could do. Alternatively, if these people are desperate narcissists and they are metaphorically draining you of your joy fluids, you should probably split. Chances are that it’s a combination of all four: you are good at listening, they are in pain, you are a little shy with what you want and they are looking to leach a little to. You don’t give me too much to go off of but, in general, if you find yourself in a position where you are constantly being reduced to accessory and less-than-highest-importance then you need to change something. Remember that no matter what conclusion you come to, you can always come back to this – you need to change something. This is not a question which ultimately comes down to those you are listening to, rather, the person who is listening to them. You have to recognize that the only person you can definitely exhibit any control over is you. You have to go out of your way to be more assertive with what you are thinking and feeling about in your life. If they don’t seem to care, then you either want to ditch them as friends or start charging them as patients. To ask ODS a question of your own, simply address your question to Dear ODS at contact@onlinedatingsites.org. We cannot promise we will answer every single question, but we will do our best to cover as many as possible on the column. |
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