Dear ODS: Is he married?

I think the guy that I am dating is married. He says that he isn’t but I’m just not sure… How can I learn the truth?

Thanks,

Not a Side Dish

Dear Not a Side Dish,

Ah yes, the old secret double life dater. While you can never know anything for sure unless you see it for yourself, if you are sniffing marriage on this guy then you probably want to do yourself a favor and be done with him now. Even if he’s not actually married, if he is conducting himself in such a way as to be systematically hiding a large portion of his daily life, then you probably want to be done with him. Some experts would tell you to do a little snooping: see if you can find your way into his email or voicemail, follow him home, look him up on social networking sites – stuff like that to put your mind at ease. I would say that it’s not worth that much trouble – either trust him or be done with it.

Dear ODS,

I’m getting ready to fly several thousand miles to meet someone that I’ve been talking to online for a while now. I don’t know what to do!

Sincerely,

AAAAAAA!!!

Dear AAAAAAA!!!

OK first of all, remember that these are all good problems to have. You are going on a vacation to meet someone who is potentially going to be a big(ger) part of your life – focus on the positive!

Secondly, here are a few tips in making your plans to ensure yourself of a fun, safe and rewarding experience.

  1. Do not tell your date where you are staying, and do not make plans to meet at the hotel: This is an important one because it maintains a safe zone for yourself. If things do not go well for whatever reason, you want to be able to get away without them knowing where you are going.
  2. No cross-country sex talk: You don’t want any more expectations, so don’t set them. Keep your conversations away from the explicit, not to make your Grandmother proud but to make sure you don’t get involved with something that will be difficult to get out of. If and when things get hot and heavy while you are visiting, they won’t have anything to do with any conversation you had a few days prior.
  3. Have something to do: Make sure that you’ve got a few solo activities pre-selected for yourself wherever it is that you are going. A particular museum, a landmark, shopping district, sports team – whatever, just make sure that you’ve got something to do if you end up unable to spend more time with your friend.

To ask ODS a question of your own, simply address your question to Dear ODS at contact@onlinedatingsites.org. We cannot promise we will answer every single question, but we will do our best to cover as many as possible on the column.

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