Dear ODS: Is it OK to Break Up With an Angry Drunk?Dear ODS, Is it OK to break up with someone because you don’t like who they become when they are high or drunk? Thank you, E-Lisa Dear E-Lisa, Your question strikes me on a number of levels: First off, it is always OK to break up with someone. In the world of relationships, as long as kids are not involved, you are 100% always allowed to break up with anyone for any reason you can dream up. Now, healthy or not is a different issue, but in the basic sense of what OK is, it is always OK to break up with someone. You are a part of a relationship because it works for your life – you are always entitled to be OK in your life. Second, and on to what is healthy or not: you are the only one who knows why you are doing anything. If you are breaking up with this guy because you are looking for a reason to get with a different guy, then it would be unhealthy to categorize your breakup under the “I don’t like the drunk him” tag. Likewise, if you are wanting to break up because your boyfriend drinks a lot and ends up in a belligerent pile of hate and fluid every night, then cutting yourself out of that situation would be a healthy move. You have to plumb yourself and know why you are doing this. I don’t give too much credence to the whole “When someone is drunk that is who they really are” idea, as identity itself isn’t that easy to pin down. But if he’s repeatedly doing something you don’t like and you’ve let him know about it, then jumping ship may be the best call. Finally, drugs never make for a good center to a relationship. Heck, drugs never make for a good center of anything. I’m not saying to join a convent and stop eating gluten, but when the center of your relationship with someone is based on activity rather than companionship, you’ll always run into problems. Drugs are the most extreme example of that, but even a couple that centers their time around sex or cooking or unicycling, they are essentially occupying an activity rather than a relationship. Activity comes from the relationship, the relationship cannot come from the activity. To ask ODS a question of your own, simply address your question to Dear ODS at contact@onlinedatingsites.org. We cannot promise we will answer every single question, but we will do our best to cover as many as possible on the column. |
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