Divorce and separation are some of the hardest experiences for a family to go through. Sometimes, it can appear to be even more difficult than a death, as a death happens and is dealt with while divorce is the culmination of a series of choices.

The simple answer to your question is: you don’t. If your ex-husband is dating someone new, it is his responsibility to explain it to his kids, especially as they don’t live with him. Now, if your kids should ask you questions, then you field those as they come.

But something else is coming through in your message. A real sense of anger is palpable, particularly with the “Taking Care of the Kids” name and the use of “our” in front of “children.” Look, divorce is a horrible process in a lot of ways but you absolutely cannot take that out on your kids. ‘Taking out on the kids’ means more than beating them or yelling at them, it means saddling them with your emotional baggage as well. Yes, your ex-husband and the father of your children has begun dating someone new – that’s got to be a tough pill for you to swallow (I know it would be for me).

But you cannot let your dissatisfaction show to your children.

Particularly because they are boys, they will have an engendered sense of taking care of their mother – you cannot place them in a position where they feel that they have to either choose between you and their father or where they are reporting to you on “Dad’s new girlfriend” or anything like that. They should know that they can talk to you about anything and that includes feelings about new friends of yours or their father’s.

And that goes beyond something you say in mere words to your children – this is something you say in attitude and emotion as well. If those boys pick up your resentment or sadness or any negative feeling, those feelings will become another obstacle in their communication with you. Is it possible that they’ll talk to you anyways? Of course – particularly the youngest. But as a rule, you never want to muddy the channels of communication between you and your children.
If you do need to talk about this (and God knows I would,) then you should look to friends, family and professional care, in that order.