Dear ODS: Why Can’t I fall in Love

Dear ODS,

Why can’t I fall in love?

Love,

Aimee Sees a Tree Outside

Dear Aimee Sees a Tree Outside,

This is one of those “You may want to talk with a therapist” questions but here go a few possibilities:

1. Love is not a cure-all. Love does not change who you are. It changes your focus and it affects your priorities, but it doesn’t change who you are. The first reason you may not be falling in love is that you may be misidentifying what love is. Not that I really know what love is, but one thing I do know is that a lot of people who say that they can’t fall in love, are really saying that they can’t feel better about themselves.

2. You may not want to fall in love. Are you at a point in your life where you are willing to be open with another person? Love may be a tough butterfly to pin down, but one thing is for sure, love is always built on honesty. Which is not to say that lovers don’t lie to each other, but a basic sense of being in it together is as necessary to love as water to a plant. This isn’t a judgment either – you may be at a point in your life where you need to fly solo for a little while.

3. You may not be getting out there. You can’t go out with one person you met on eHarmony.com and then lament your inability to fall in love. We’re fickle creatures us humans – and whether we admit it or not, we just can’t love everyone. We can respect everyone, we can appreciate everyone and we can love life, but we cannot love love everyone.

Those are a few possibilities, God knows that there are plenty more. If I or anyone were to really understand why it is that you think you can’t fall in love we would need to know a lot more about you. What was your family like growing up? What do you think love is? Why do you want to fall in love? Are there any chemical imbalances/addictions going on? Lots of questions, although a part of me thinks that you may know the answer to your own question deep down. Start with real honesty, brutal but non-judgmental, where you are simply putting words on the feelings and memories inside of you. My guess is that you’ll find at least the beginnings of the answer you’re looking for.

To ask ODS a question of your own, simply address your question to Dear ODS at contact@onlinedatingsites.org. We cannot promise we will answer every single question, but we will do our best to cover as many as possible on the column.

One Customer Review of “Dear ODS: Why Can’t I fall in Love”

jenny wrote on August 24, 2009

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My advice is you must love yourself first before you can love others or fall in love.

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