Boyle’s singing talent got her all the way to second place in the TV talent show “Britain’s Got Talent”, but it was her first appearance in the show that endeared her to millions. A bubbly, overenthusiastic Boyle engaged in some awkward hula dance moves and confessed to having never been kissed before wowing the audience with a heart-stopping rendition of “I Dreamed a Dream” from Les Misérables. This clip was viewed over 2.5 million times in its first 72 hours on YouTube.

The Canadian dating site produced a cheeky ad in which they pretend to find Susan’s soulmate in her homeland of Scotland. In the Singles Canada ad, a lovelorn Scottish lad sits in a pub and rejects the advances of several attractive (and not so attractive) women who approach him; he is not interested in any of them because “they are not Susan.” The lad joins Singles Canada and finds Susan’s profile in it, and the ad ends with a shot of them walking in the park hand in hand and Susan doing her now famous hip twirls, with the tagline “There’s someone out there for everyone.” The ad itself has been a YouTube success – if on a very different scale than Susan’s, – gathering over 10,000 views in its first few days.

Patsy Copus, founder and CEO of Singles Canada, explained the aims of the site: “Singles Canada was founded so Canadian singles could meet local singles with similar interests and desires. We are always thrilled to hear the true stories of couples who have met because of my service.” Singles Canada is one of Canada’s oldest sites, and it has gathered over 3 million dating profiles since its creation in 1998 – none of them belonging to the real Susan Boyle, of course, although she would be most welcome if she were interested in dating a Canadian.

About the Boyle spin-off ad, Copus said, “The purpose of the video wasn’t to be off-the-wall or outrageous, but to use humor to demonstrate how bad the bar scene can be and how quick it is to post a dating profile and get a response. Susan Boyle seemed to be the best example of a person who should use an online dating service. Singles Canada has been contacted by many viewers asking if there will be a sequel. It was a lot of fun to film so we just might do more.”

Dear ODS,

I am concerned that I am attracting the wrong sort of attention online. I’d like to meet someone but I’d like to form a real relationship rather than some casual fling. Help!

Sincerely,

Looking for Love

Dear Looking for Love,

It can be tough to get the sort of attention that you are looking for whether you are online, at a bar or in line at a grocery store. Ultimately, you have to find a way to deal with people’s ulterior motives without feeling deflated or put upon – after all, it is a compliment in a certain way.

But there are some aspects of your online dating persona that you can sculpt to better serve your purposes. First off, what site are you on? Make sure you are on a site designed for daters to reach long term arrangements with each other like Chemistry.com, eHarmony.com, there are oodles to choose from just take a look at our directory. Because if you are on a site like Passion.com, then you may as well stop complaining because that sort of attention is the only kind you’re going to get there.

Secondly, take a look at your profile and specifically, your photos and your greeting. Your greeting should be a statement about yourself, written in complete sentences rather than a stream of consciousness expression about what you want. Since you’re getting all sorts of cheap attention, you may also want to re-check your photos. Remember that those partying-with-friends pics can often be interpreted as immaturity and telling of a desire for more casual arrangements than you may really want.

Dear ODS,

I am an African-American woman living in New York City. I’m not focused on finding a Black partner so I’m staying away from sites like BlackSingles.com. Am I wrong?

Thanks,

All Alone in the Big Apple

Dear All Alone in the Big Apple,

For the most part, there is no such thing as right and wrong when it comes to online dating – this is much more of an experiment to see what works for your type of search. For some people, Date.com does it all, for other people, they find love on JDate.com, others end up dating online for a year only to fall in love with a childhood friend.

However in this case, yes, you are wrong. Sites like BlackSingles.com do not just focus on bringing together Black singles, but also attract daters from other ethnicities who are interested in dating Black people.  As long as you’ve got nothing against a potentially Black mate, then there is no reason not to expose yourself to the population of daters on whatever site. You may or may not find what you are looking for on BlackSingles.com, but it sure doesn’t hurt to try.

To ask ODS a question of your own, simply address your question to Dear ODS at contact@onlinedatingsites.org. We cannot promise we will answer every single question, but we will do our best to cover as many as possible on the column.

Walter is 75 years old if he’s a day – hair long past gray and into pure white, kids grown and a wife deceased for 8 years. He had a successful career in textiles and manufacturing and is now retired in a beautiful home in Carmel-By-The-Sea (quite a successful career indeed!)

He’s a grown up; he’s got a life. Despite his considerable wealth, he’s not looking for a trophy wife to finish out his days – he wants a companion, or rather, wanted a companion. You see, Walter found his now companion of nearly two years on Date.com.

And he used one of the great all-time one-liners in his profile to get exactly what he wanted out of his online dating experience.

After a paragraph or so describing his life, he crystallized what so many people in his position are looking for in six simple words:

“A part-time monogamous love arrangement.”

He was not looking to be whisked away on the tails of romance and circle the globe in a love bubble – that would not have worked for Walter’s life.

Walter was looking for someone to share some time with but not re-arrange his life for (there’s the part-time part). Walter was looking for someone who was also looking for something meaningful and safe (there’s the monogamous part). Walter was certainly looking for someone to love him (that would be the love part, obviously). And he was looking for someone who was mature enough to respect his boundaries and maintain their own life (that explains the brilliant choice of the word arrangement).

Walter ended up going out on 8 dates: 6 of them were pleasant enough but he knew within 10 minutes that there was just no spark, 1 of them was an absolute train wreck where his date actually fell asleep at the dinner table and then came Sharon.

And Sharon was looking for a part-time monogamous love arrangement herself. She has also been around for more than 70 years, has her own life and in fact, lives 3-5 days of the week at her own house in Salinas, about 15 miles from Walter’s.

They have no need for pretense and look at each other as the cherries on each other’s lives – that last little bit that made everything better.

What a wonderful phrase –

A part-time monogamous love arrangement.

The Group Date

God bless the double date because it so smoothly opens up the dinner party date.

It can be intimidating to hold a home dinner date early in your relationship with someone. A private home dinner both opens up your home and private life to someone but it can also put pressure on one or both parties to get more physical than they’d like.

Enter your friends. Getting together a group of a few friends (with or without dates of their own) to put together a dinner where your date will be invited is a great way to cut down on the cost of food through bulk prices, home labor wages and a shared bill. Plus, your friends will be there to cut down on any expectations or unwelcome advances.

Will it weird some people out to hang out with you and your friends at the same time? Yes and obviously, you should tell your date in advance what the plan is. This is not to say that your first date should be a group date, but if you and this person have hung out before and are willing to again, a few friends about as well should not be a big problem.

And besides, if everything goes well, you can always ask your friends to leave…

Knowing What You Want

This is the most important part of any online dating plan, whether it is for someone trying to cut costs or blow a grand over the weekend – know what is that you want.

Are you looking for a long-term relationship? Are you looking for something more casual? Are you just looking for sex?
Identifying and focusing on what you want is the only way that you’ll be able to filter through the stream of options that the Internet will bestow unto you.

Make no mistake, if you follow this plan you will be looking at 10-15 different profiles every day. If you don’t know what it is that you are looking for then you will be lost at sea employing this or any other online dating guide.

So figure out what it is that you want, get yourself out there by diversifying your online dating homes, think of a successful first date in a swap meet followed by a second group one at your home and you’re looking at a recipe for consistent and worthwhile dating.

I’m going on a date and I’ve got a secret. You see, I have a 4 year old son. Even though he is the center of my life, I did not declare myself a parent on my Chemistry.com profile. I’m 23 and scared that my date is going to shy away from the challenges of dating a single parent.

Help!

Will Work for Wisdom

Dear Will Work for Wisdom,

It can be tough enough juggling a dating life with being a parent – first things first, change your profile! If you follow not one single word of the following advice, heed this: Be Honest. The only way you will ever find what you are looking for is when you are open with who you are and what you bring to the table. I know it is scary, particularly at the age of 23, but think of it like this: do you want to end up dating someone who is with you IN SPITE of their feelings concerning your child?

That said, you are you before you are the parent of your child. That doesn’t mean that you should lie or avoid the truth when someone asks, nor does it mean you should party it up and leave your child to the babysitters. It means that you don’t have to whip out the baby album on the first date; it also means that you don’t have to feel any shame of being a single parent for whatever reason that you are; it means that not everything that occurs on a date should carry the weighty subtext of a child. It’s OK to go out and just have fun for a night, whether you are a father, grandfather or cat lady!

Now for this upcoming date, you may have to take some lumps. Sorry, but sometimes it takes a little discomfort to really tackle a problem. The first thing you should do is tell them the truth. On your actual date, physically tell them the truth. Don’t come clean in an advance email or chat, not only will that seem odd at this late juncture but with the sheer number of online daters out there, it’ll make you into an easily discarded liar and will probably lose you your date. Get off of the online world and into the actual before letting them know.

Remember that you are not telling them for their sake, you are telling them for your own. You are telling them because if you do not, you will be thinking about it all night during your date – it will eat away at any chance of a nice evening or even relationship you could have had. You don’t have to make a show of it, but very early in the date, you should say something to the effect of “Look, I’m really sorry but I have to tell you that I’ve got a four year old son at home. I’m sorry I lied, I was just scared you wouldn’t go out with me.” Then if they ditch you, they ditch you – you don’t need them anyway.

Be honest with yourself, too. If you are lying about having a kid, you may not be ready to be out and dating. The biggest piece of wisdom anyone could give you is to deeply look at yourself and what you want. You may be looking for something in a potential partner which you can only provide yourself.

To ask ODS a question of your own, simply address your question to Dear ODS at contact@onlinedatingsites.org. We cannot promise we will answer every single question, but we will do our best to cover as many as possible on the column.

In today’s world of hyper communication and service, billions upon billions of people are constantly engaged in flitting bits of fantasy over the cameo characters in their lives.

Here are the most common crushes in the Western world.

Barista

Coffee shops are ground zero for some of the great crushes today. Not only is barista a position that is most often filled by young, supple college aged cuties – most coffee drinkers go to their favorite café on a daily basis. So not only are they young and pretty, you’ve got a little relationship going (plus they are being nice to you to get some tips).

Boss

Nothing gets the blood pumping like a little power. When asked about their sexual fantasies and crushes, a group of 100 randomly selected office employees by and large said a meeting room tryst with their supervisors. Many times a crush erupts not only from passing contact with a heartthrob but in the vicinity of a potential sexual escapade as well. Which leads us to the next crush:

Stewards and Stewardesses

You’re stuck in a plane. You’re bored. You’re a little annoyed by the packed in like sardines nature of air travel. Then you see her and you start thinking to yourself, “Well, since we’re not doing anything…” This one tends to be a bit more of a male crush but ladies get into the Mile High Club just the same.

Personal Trainer

Perhaps the oddest mix of frustration and satisfaction is the relationship so many of us have with our personal trainers. They are obviously going to be in great shape and the pastime you two most often share together is prolonged physical activity in form fitting clothes. But before you can drift off into a daydream, you’re exhausted from working out!

Secretary/ Counter Person

When you find yourself going to a doctor’s office or the same hotel regularly, you’ll often find yourself engaging with the same counter person. Like baristas, these people are being paid to be hospitable and are often hired to be physical representations of the company (ie, they are good looking). Have you ever found yourself calling up the office with a fake question just to talk with them a little? Hey! No shame in a little flirting!

Sometimes we don’t allow ourselves to have little crushes in our lives. Maybe it’s because we feel bad; maybe it’s because we feel they are unnecessary. Whatever the reason, the crushes in your life can be like art in your home – little things positioned through your daily life that make you stop and take notice for a moment. They do not have to lead to relationships, nor do they have to be affronts to your significant other. Have fun with your life, after all, a little crush never hurt anyone.

I am a troll! Haha, no I am though. I am a troll priestess on WoW (ODS note, WoW is World of Warcraft, a popular online video game) and I am getting married to a friend of mine, he’s an orc rogue – I just love those badboys! We’re getting married in the game and it’s stupid I know but he’s the most important person in my real life. I don’t know if he has a girlfriend or whatever but he’s from Canada and I’m in Tennessee and I’d like to meet him in real life. Not like marry him right away but we kind of love each other in WoW so what do you think?

Pwnage!

BarrackasBizatch

Dear BarrackasBizatch,

I am almost always struck by the first sentences in these letters from our readers. Yours’ is no exception.

The first thing you say is that you are a troll. Then you sort of duck the emotions surrounding that with “haha” and then you’re into your story. So before I get to the advice on dealing with your online hubby (and there is plenty of advice on that – although I don’t think it’s what you expect to hear) here’s some advice for you on you:

You are not a troll. You are not a loser. You are playing a game and that is OK. If you want to stop playing the game and you don’t know how, you can get help. I don’t buy the whole addiction is a disease thing (swine flu would be a disease, addiction would be a habit or behavior) but I do believe that we all get into situations that we need help getting out of. If video game addiction therapy would help you, then give it a shot. Life is not a fixed thing – you can always change your course no matter how insurmountable the seas seem to be.

Part two, and on to your husband. There’s not really that much difference between meeting a guy playing a video game and meeting him on eHarmony.com or even the grocery store for that matter. Meeting people is a random thing, it just sort of happens and then we go from there. So I’ll give you the same advice I give to anyone looking to move from online connection to real world romance – start with Skype. Get on a video chat and see how that works out. If you talk for a little while and still feel connected (give yourselves some time on Skype, it starts weird for everyone) then think about a visit.

And you guys being married on a video game is a great place to begin a conversation – you two share a common interest! Appreciate yourself and the habits you’ve got… you may have come across someone who wants you just the way you are.

To ask ODS a question of your own, simply address your question to Dear ODS at contact@onlinedatingsites.org. We cannot promise we will answer every single question, but we will do our best to cover as many as possible on the column.

Documentaries

If nothing speaks to you like “Hoop Dreams” “Fast, Cheap and Out of Control” or “Bowling for Columbine” then here are is food for thought:

Qualities to Incorporate: A great documentary is a complete look at a real event or series of events. It is often made in the face of great peril and takes a tough stance on a controversial topic. Be brave and unafraid to stand up for what you know to be true…but be open to learning too.

Qualities to Avoid: Bad documentaries are biased propaganda as much inventions of editing and camera tricks as any other movie. They go into a situation looking to make a point, rather than leaving a situation with a new point. You don’t know everything – and don’t be aggressive or adversarial with people who are not attacking you.

Quirky Little Indie Pics

If the movies that you love most are closest to “Little Miss Sunshine” “Juno” and “What’s Eating Gilbert Grape” then this would be the section for you:

Qualities to Incorporate: At their best, these little Indie films find a way to be both humorous and heartbreaking in a uniquely “small” manner. They seldom feature much in the way of special effects and tend to be heavy on irony. Be spunky and sarcastic and satisfied by even the most “insignificant” lot in life.

Qualities to Avoid: At their worst, little Indie pics are insufferable journeys through angst, angst and more angst. We get it – you don’t fit in. Like the surreal fantasy, the thing to most avoid here is in rejecting what is around you rather than projecting what is inside of you.

Obviously there are many more genres than the ten or so we’ve looked at over the past couple of weeks. Likewise, there many more lessons to be drawn from the multitudes of movies made over the past century. The important thing to remember when looking for guidance in art of any kind is to look towards that which you relate to on a guttural level. Don’t take advice from “Citizen Kane” because that is “the best movie ever made.” Look, if “Th13teen Ghosts” really gets you then take a long hard look at it and incorporate what makes it one of your favs into your love life. There is no such thing as good and bad, only what works and does not work.

Get your love life to work for you.

Before we get to our share of examining the Tiger Woods infidelity epic, let’s start with this: major public figures are seldom allowed to be single. I don’t know if it’s a social thing, a biological thing, religious or what – but the fact is that major public figures are not allowed to be single.

And that’s what Tiger Woods was/is. More than a golfer, more than an athlete – Tiger Woods was a major public figure.

Why was Tiger Woods a major public figure? Because he wanted to be. Tiger was driven to be more than a great golfer and athlete – he was driven to take over the world. It’s no coincidence that he became the first billionaire athlete raking in well over $100 million each and every year for the past decade. He owns an air carrier converted into a golf course that he pilots around the ocean.

And I’m sure he had plans for future domination.

Since we already know that you can’t be a single man and become a true giant in the public world, Tiger went the road more travelled by – he found a wife. And not just any wife – the blonde, blue-eyed, squeaky clean daughter of privilege and politics in Sweden. He took a trophy.

Which is not to say that all blonde, blue-eyed Swedish daughters are trophies – of course not. A trophy is in the eye of the beholder, and to Tiger, a man who to this day refuses to acknowledge himself as a Black athlete, blonde and blue-eyed was not only a trophy, it was a certification.

Look at the women that Tiger has been carrying on with these past years. They are all exotic, multi-ethnic and overtly sexual. That’s fine! That is who they are – there is no judgment in that.

But that’s who Tiger is going for. He’s not cheating on his wife with other versions of his wife. He’s cheating with more openly sexualized women. So what does this have to do with you or anything other than the unending voyeurism infecting the modern media… I’m getting to that.

When it comes to our humanity, the ends never justify the means. Tiger wanted to dominate the world and to do so he went against his natural impulses towards a presentation of that which he was not. This is something that many of us do.

So when the next round of breaking Tiger Woods news comes stampeding into your life, try to take a lesson from it. Not in the sleaziness of male sexuality or sports, nor in the tragedy of a family collapsing. Look at what you can learn from Tiger –

Be honest with yourself and those around you… because the truth will catch up eventually.

Action Blockbuster

If the movies that drill into your heart are “Rambo” “Commando” and “Die Hard” then these are the stunts you should be looking to perform:

Qualities to Incorporate: A great action movie is a simple look at a complicated situation and lead character. Be direct with what you are feeling, no matter if it makes any sense. Also be active – by its very definition, action movies have a lot of action.

Qualities to Avoid: Bad action movies are half bodybuilding show, half dancing between bullets ballet. Heroes do not escape good action movies unscathed – do not be unpenetrable and lay off the working out if you’re beginning to scare little children.

Animal Movie

If “Lassie” “Homeward Bound” and “Babe” get your soul singing, then this part is for you:

Qualities to Incorporate: Great animal films almost always have a few things in common: an innocent main character, a crazy cast of characters and a strong sense of community/family. Be open to the wonders of life and the value beneath even the most bizarre of human characters.

Qualities to Avoid: Bad animal movies are thinly veiled moralistic shlock. The plots are often between evil plutocratic businessmen and poor creatures just trying to live. You are a human, do not side with animals and hide in an emotional cave.

Musical

If we said favorite movie and you said “Evita” “Singin’ In the Rain” or “Chicago” here are the numbers for you:

Qualities to Incorporate: A great musical gets your toe tapping and your heart soaring. A big thing to remember here is that a good musical number moves the story along – do not become a diva, singing just to sing. Emotions go somewhere, let yourself go.

Qualities to Avoid: Bad musicals are chewing gum re-hashes of the same dances, same costumes and same songs we’ve all heard for the last century. Do not become a broken record and as a sidenote, the 50s have been over for officially more than 50 years now – enough already.

Read Part 4 of What Movie is Your Love Life for what to take and what to avoid from more movie genres including documentaries and quirky little indie pics.