How to be Opinionated WITHOUT Being Judgmental Part 2
In Part 1 of How to be Opinionated WITHOUT Being Judgmental we looked at the great Socratic sentence: “All I know is that I do not know.” In Part 2, we’ll continue with a dive into etiquette and pleasantries.
If the hardest thing you’ll ever do is learn to be you and nothing but you, then number two on that list has got to be listening to other people.
- Don’t be a Venus Fly Trap:
One of my professors in college was a guy who maintained that every person on earth is engaged in a constant internal monologue and we are merely waiting for the opportunity to vocalize it. When we are engaged in conversation, we are in actuality, engaged in waiting then expressing. Communication, the true exchange of ideas and emotions, is actually impossible.
I disagree.
On the one hand, yes, there is a constant stream of something or another – known as consciousness – going on inside all of us. And yes, often you will find people who aren’t really listening to you, but rather waiting for opportunities to vocalize what’s been sitting inside them for God knows how long. I think of these people as Venus Fly Traps, waiting for a buzzing bit of idea or emotion to pass by for them to chomp on.
This does not have to be you.
First, ask questions. Real question whose answers you do not already know – no “leading the witness.” When you are listening to someone, make sure you ask questions pertaining to what they are talking about. This is a good way to get yourself out of your own head and into the conversation.
Second, play nice. “I hear you,” “That’s a good point” and “Interesting…” may not be the most original of statements, but they are wonderful ways of curbing your own vitriol. If you are about to disagree with something your fellow conversationalist has uttered, starting with a qualifying “I hear you” is a good way to confirm what they have said, thereby starting your dissenting opinion in a place of respect.
Third, trust yourself to improvise. Be like a great Jazz musician: familiar with your own favorites and training, but adept and confident enough to be willing to go with anything. Seize the moment with this other person and let the rest come as it may.
Read Part 3 of How to be Opinionated WITHOUT Being Judgmental for more advice on being you without costing your companion their own identity.
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