How to Play Matchmaker – Part 2In Part 1 of How to Play Matchmaker, we looked at rules number 1 and 2: Don’t do anyone any favors and Don’t Embellish. In Part 2, we’ll lose the don’ts and start with some do’s. Make Sure They Are Open to This Long before the game, there is practice. Long before the show, there is rehearsal. And before you set your friend up, there should be a conversation. It should go something like this: “Hey Sally, would it be all right with you if I set you up with anyone? Well, not just anyone but someone I think you might like. I don’t want to impose on you but sometimes I come across people that I think you would enjoy.” Then (and watch this part, it’s a novel moment) you listen to their answer. You don’t pry and you don’t poke, you listen to their answer and respect it. You can follow up with a more emotionally delving question, something to the effect of: “I know that it can be scary to put yourself out there – are you nervous about getting involved with someone?” Then (and this is even more novel) you have a meaningful conversation! People who have withdrawn from the dating pool usually have their reasons, some emotional, some physical. You can’t just wash that stuff away. And why would you want to in your loved ones? Don’t you want to be someone who is supportive and listens to the people whom you share yourself with in your life? Then be it. Offer Support, Not Strangulation A great thing that friends and family do for each other is offer each other support. Whether that be in times of physical or emotional need, at their best, they are there to listen to and offer a helping hand. One of the worst things that friends and family do to each other is suffocate them. Of course you are invested in wanting the date that you set up to go well – that’s natural. But the only way that that can happen is if the two parties involved work well as their own closed system. All that you can do by calling every hour is destroy whatever it is that they may be building. The work that you do is in matching them up, not in managing their relationship as well. Read Part 3 of How to Play Matchmaker for a look at some qualities in potential partners that you can identify in your efforts to make a match. |
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