Dating online – How to write an irresistible first message

Have you found someone you really like and are you ready to make your first contact? This easy guide will increase your chances of getting a reply.

Online dating is not easy, but you’ve made an effort to post a nice profile and some good pictures, and after a few days of browsing you find someone who makes you do a double take. It’s time to send an email and make contact with the person who could be the love of your life!

First things first: read their profile carefully and decide what caught your attention most. Is it their sparkly sense of humor? Their commitment to worthy causes? The fact that you both like the same obscure music? Make sure you bring this up in your message, an opening like: “I noticed that you’re also a big fan of the Yodeling Yaks, and I was greatly relieved to find out I’m not the only one! What is your favorite song of theirs?” is bound to catch their eye and make them answer back. A musical discussion could lead to a concert date, and before you know you’ll be planning holidays together.

A well-placed compliment will warm the coldest heart. Look for something that strikes you as impressive in this person’s interests or history, and let them bask in your admiration: “Wow, it is so cool that you are a brain surgeon at 23! You must be very smart and dedicated, and I would totally trust my brain in your hands.” This will make them feel that you appreciate their good points, and turn the tide in your favor when it comes to answering back.

One almost infallible way to get a reply is to pique their curiosity: if they mention an interest in a topic you also know about, it is a good idea to suggest that you know something they don’t and that you are willing to share. I could not help but answer a message I received recently from a man who did this to perfection; since my profile states I am a fan of Cuban cinema, he mentioned a few of his favorite Cuban films and added: “You should check out Argentine cinema too, there are many really good ones that I can recommend.” A winning strategy!

There are also a few things to look out for, so you don’t get sent to the “junk mail” folder of your potential date:

Most people dating online are as shy as baby deer, and anything will send them bolting away from you. If you want to pet Bambi, you must avoid making sudden movements or big gestures, and it is the same when emailing an attractive match. A first email saying “I think you’re the one!” is going to set alarm bells off, as is one asking “How do you feel about raising a family?” Keep humor to a minimum – they may not realize you are joking when you say “I’m typing this from my parents’ basement.” Basically don’t give them any reason to dash off before they have a chance to see how great you are.

While compliments are always nice, try not to appear superficial: if you write to someone saying “You look fantastic, I think you are gorgeous!” they may be pleased, but if you fail to mention their Nobel Prize for saving blind dolphins, you will come across as a Shallow Hal who is only interested in them for their looks. And that is a big turn-off.

Finally, please take the time to write something special for the special person who caught your eye. Anyone can spot a cut-and-paste message; just look at this one I received recently: “I’m impressed by your words and your ‘2 dimensional glimpses’ (also called pictures) … all very beautiful and that made me smile!” If someone is not willing to make the effort to write a little something for me, don’t expect me to take the time to write back much more than a copy-pasted “Good luck with your search.”

Finally, spell and grammar check as well as you can! It makes you seem clever and shows that you care.

We hope this helps you start communicating with the person with whom you’ll have your last first date!

One Customer Review of “Dating online – How to write an irresistible first message”

Alexwebmaster wrote on March 3, 2009

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Hello webmaster
I would like to share with you a link to your site
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