Truly identifying when a relationship has run its course and being done with it is one of the most second-guessed decisions you’ll make during your life. Particularly when there was a lot of love involved at one point, it can be nigh excruciating to leave behind someone you cared (and perhaps still care) so deeply about.
While there is never one way to know, here is a series of questions you can ask yourself to determine whether or not you should be moving on:
When you look at this person, what is the first thing that you think of?
Are you taking this quiz to justify taking an action you already know that you are going to take?
Is something unrelated to this person going on in your life that may be compounding your feelings about them?
Is something NOT happening in your life that may be compounding your feelings about this other person?
Do you have your eye on someone else?
Do you feel that your partner already feels it’s over?
ANSWERS
A general note before we get to specific answers: the idea here is to be honest with yourself. No single question is going to be the make-or-break, or at least, they shouldn’t be. These questions are designed to help you organize your thoughts and feelings into a plan of action that you feel best serves you and your life.
If your answer was along the lines of, “Nothing, I see them and only them” then my guess is that you are still head over heels in love. If your answer was more along the lines of “Responsibility” then you’re probably going to be better off getting out now. We have to live our lives for ourselves, which is not to say that we don’t do things for our mates and families. But when those things we do become the first thing we connect our mate to, bitterness grows.
Did we get you? Many times the decision to be done with a relationship is made weeks, months even years before the trigger is pulled. Was this just more ammunition? If it was, then what’s stopping you?
Both 3 and 4 get at the same point – is this really about what is happening in your life? If it is, then maybe taking a break to be on your own is the answer. Sometimes true love takes a break for true identity to grow up.
See 3
So if you’re just itching to move on then go for it. Just don’t lie to yourself about it.
A lot of relationships break up because both parties feel that the other party is ready to be done. Really, this is an exacerbation of communication problems. If you are breaking up because you think this is what your mate is about to do, then you need to sit down and level with both yourself and your partner. For your partner: “Is this what you want?” For yourself: “Am I allowing myself to trust this other person and have total access to all of my emotions?”
These are just a few questions and again, they are designed to help you organize your thoughts and feelings. The gist here is internal honesty – relationships are some of the greatest ways in the known universe to learn about yourself. Make sure you are open to the lessons.
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