PS… “is not saying all the truth the same as lying?”PS… will be occasionally dedicated to addressing questions from our many readers concerning issues raised in the weekly Dear ODS. This week’s PS… points us to a past Dear ODS column dealing with an online dater whom had not disclosed their true parental status on Chemistry.com. While ODS replied that total and complete honesty was the only way to go when it comes to deep subjects like your children, a reader named Lisa suggested that perhaps a more nuanced response was the way to go. Check out the article and her response here: Dear ODS. Lisa brings up two important questions which will be this week’s PS… topic. First, let’s look at her impressions of reader, Will Work for Wisdom’s general predicament: “I would say that the person did not necessarily lie nor should feel like they are at confession when on the date. They simply omitted something that, to be honest, many people are apprehensive confronting when dating.” Question 1: Is omitting the fact that you have child in your online dating profile actually lying? Children certainly scare off a lot of potential suitors and parents are people too – the sticky position many single parents find themselves in which they are in between parental responsibility and human desire is, to say the very least, tough to negotiate. If you are just looking for a few laughs and some superficial fun, maybe your date doesn’t need to know that you 2.0 is hanging out at home with grandma. Maybe being a Mom or Dad crosses a line into “Always let your date know” land. Maybe looking at what you really want is the real answer. Back to Lisa’s response and the second question of this week’s PS… “As a female, I do not see this as lying. There are many many men who won’t even take a look at a female for being a single mom. I think this question should be addressed also to the dating population who shuns upon this type of situation.” Question 2: What role does gender play in the line between manipulation and outright dishonesty? Gender roles have been a favorite topic of artists and philosophers alike going back to the dawn of humanity. Shakespeare gave us two differing male-female dynamics in Lady MacBeth and MacBeth from MacBeth and Kate and Petrucchio from The Taming of the Shrew, one rife with manipulation and subtext and the other a blunt struggle for power. But wasn’t the feminism of the 20th Century supposed to make half-truths obsolete as women would finally be able to ask for what they wanted in society? Is all manipulation essentially lying or does obfuscation serve a necessary function? Do both genders think of dishonesty in the same way? To answer either question or to respond to a previous PS…, either leave a comment or address an email to us at contact@onlinedatingsites.org. |
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