Rejection: how to dish it, how to take it – Part 1Dating, whether online or live, is an exercise in rejection: those you like don’t like you back, those who pursue you are not appealing. And until the magical day when you meet your match – that attractive someone who is attracted to you – you will have to deal with a lot of rejection, both as giver and as taker. The staff here at ODS have written and read their fair share of online letdowns, and after some discussion we all agreed that in general, there are 4 main approaches to letting an online suitor down: to tell them you’re not interested, to make up an excuse, to go completely silent or to subtly convey your lack of interest. Let’s see each of these in some detail and from both sides of the issue. The outright letdown How to do it: Some people believe that honesty is the best policy. If you’re one of them, just try to keep in mind that people’s feelings are at stake here, and that it takes some courage to shoot an initial email or message. Also, feel flattered that they found you attractive! Instead of “sorry, you’re not my type” or “not if you were the last man on Earth” try couching your refusal in polite words and not attacking your suitor directly. A good let-down is “Thank you very much for your message, it was very sweet of you to write. Unfortunately I do not think we have very much in common, but I wish you the best on your future searches.” Online dating may sometimes seem like shopping from a catalog, but those are not dry goods you’re shopping for – they are human beings too! How to take it: If somebody writes to say “thanks but no thanks” there are three things to keep in mind:
Visit us to find out more on how to cope with other forms of online rejection – or how to dish them out compassionately. |
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