Rejection: how to dish it, how to take it - Part 2So you got an enthusiastic email from someone who’s interested in getting to know you better… the problem is that your political views are opposite, the age difference is too great to ignore or you simply are not attracted to them. If you don’t wanna tell them outright that you don’t think there is a future for you both, a little white lie may be the best way to get them back on their merry way. Although some advocate a strict policy of truth while online dating, there is really no point in telling someone “your spelling is so poor I really cannot face another email from you,” or “when I said 25-35 years old I MEANT it” even if that is how you feel. Instead, you could go for the old classic “it’s not you, it’s me” line of apology, and spare a fellow online dater’s feelings. You know – what goes around comes around, so it’s always best to be polite! The white lie How to do it: The golden rule here is: be plausible! Saying “I’m not ready for a relationship at the moment” is a pretty poor excuse – after all, they did find you in an online dating site! And “I’m about to leave on a 9-month research trip to the Himalayas” is not likely to hold water for similar reasons. EHarmony has a fantastic drop-down list of excuses for cutting communication with a suitor, including the vague and always effective “There’s too much going on in my life” and the classic “I am pursuing another relationship on this site.” I often wrote “I’m sorry, I am about to leave on a business trip, I’ll get back to you when I have some time” and disappeared altogether. How to take it: The main thing is to recognize the excuse for what it is – an end to the communication. If you write saying “hello” and someone replies “Sorry, I’m leaving on a 10-day business trip,” there is no need for you to write again in 10 days asking how it went. Basically, if your message meets an excuse of any kind (busy, ill, getting back with ex, traveling, in midterms) consider it a kind goodbye and move on to the next object of your interest. If the excuse was legitimate and there WAS interest on their part, they WILL get back to you after their trip/test/presentation/whatever. Visit us for the scoop on the last two forms of online rejection. |
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