Rejection: how to dish it, how to take it - Part 3

In the past two articles of this series we went over how to let someone down honestly but kindly, and how to let them down dishonestly… but kindly. The next form of rejection is the easiest to dole out but probably the hardest to take: silence.

If you have a well written profile and a few attractive photos, odds are that you are getting a lot of interest from other online daters: winks, flirts and messages must be hitting your inbox with regularity. And it is very likely that the vast majority of those are from completely unsuitable suitors – I remember writing about my love for opera and ballet and getting responses from men who were clearly not interested in a lot beyond football, fishing and beer. Some people cast their net too wide (but that will be discussed in a future article.) The point being that there were a lot of messages in the inbox, and very little desire to continue a conversation with most of them.

The silent treatment

How to do it:

It’s the easiest thing in the world: delete the message and never think about it again. If they send you another missive, repeat the procedure. NOTE: this technique is only allowed for first-contact emails – if you have already exchanged messages with this person you should try one of the other three rejection methods instead.

How to take it:

Interestingly, the easiest way to get rid of an unwanted suitor is the toughest one to recognize on the other end. Here are some tips for when you don’t get a response to your ice-breaker:

  1. Don’t send another message till you have received a response - it is completely pointless and will make your case worse every time: if they were thinking of writing back they may find you pushy and decide to pass, and if they were not you will just look desperate. By all means send a first message to the people you like, but do no more till they write back to you.
  2. If you don’t receive an answer, move on. Plenty of fish in the online dating sea! Now, if you don’t get a response from ANY of the people you have initiated contact with, it’s time to reevaluate a few things: is your profile engaging and warm? Your picture clear, recent and flattering? Has your email been spellchecked and is it profanity-free? And if all is well on your side, maybe you should take a look at the people you are reaching out to: do they share your interests and beliefs? Are they within a reasonable age difference from you? Are they –and let’s be honest here – within your league? Remember that compatibility is key, and don’t just look for someone who looks “nice” but rather for someone who would suit you and your lifestyle.


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