Rejection: how to dish it, how to take it – Part 4There are oodles of fish in the online dating sea, and most of them will not be the right match for you. Whether you are letting down a wannabe date or being let down by someone who sparked your interest, remember to always be kind and to keep your cool. We have already discussed the straightforward letdown, the little white lie and the wall of silence. The last rejection technique we will go into is the subtle cooling off. We have all had those awkward moments at parties where you keep trying to spark a conversation with somebody and get only monosyllables in return. You: “So, what do you think of comic-inspired movies like Batman and Sin City?” Them: “They’re OK.” You: “This wine is rather nice, don’t you think” Them: “Yeah.” Eventually the awkwardness or the boredom are too much, and you make an excuse to leave them if they don’t do it first. Effective, yet subtle. Now let’s see how to do it online. The subtle cooling off How to do it: If you have already swapped a few emails but are really not interested in more, send a “damper” message and hope they get it. A damper will have no exclamation marks, no question marks, nothing that makes you look excited or interested. Volunteer as little information as possible and do not react to anything they said in their previous email. To top it off, always make sure you end a damper with a suitably damp goodbye like “Have a nice weekend” or “Take care.” Remember: no exclamation marks allowed! Example: “Yeah, I saw that film but it didn’t really do it for me. Can’t really email now, got a ton of work to do. Have a nice weekend.” How to take it: Do not fool yourself: the moment you receive a message ending in “Have a nice day” consider it over and move on. Check for interest and enthusiasm: are they asking you questions to stat new conversation topics? Are they engaging with what you wrote in your last message? Do their emails show energy and zest? You should have a dialogue, where both of you ask questions and volunteer information – if you are the one doing all the talking perhaps it’s time to talk to someone else. Read with a critical eye: if the replies seem written by a bored person they probably were, and there are bound to be many other people out there who will find you interesting. Don’t press the matter further with this particular person, and keep searching for the right one. |
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