The Asians know how to do it

No wonder they wrote the Kama Sutra – India is a country where people know all there is to know about love. And now they are taking over online dating.

I recently reviewed India’s most popular dating site, Shaadi.com, and was very positively impressed: the software, graphics and features were out there, great usability, the works. But what really bowled me over were the success stories – they really seemed straight out of the “Thousand and One Nights”!

As a reference, these (from Dating Direct) are the kind of success stories I can relate to, fairy tale endings to the online dating adventures of others:

“We chatted on the phone and then agreed to meet and we have been together nearly every day since! We are hoping to move in together in six months, obviously depending on how things go!”

“We met on Dating Direct in July ’07. We have been dating for over a year now and have decided to get married this October. Thanks guys. Xx”

Now look at a similar success stories from Shaadi:

“We met each other on Shaadi on 20th April 2006 while (he) was surfing at a cyber café… got engaged on 25th May 2006 and got married on 12th June 2006. We are writing this testimonial jointly 6 months after our marriage. We owe you a note of great thanks. ”

“We got hooked up online on July 12th 2007, met in person on July 15th and knew at the first glance that we were meant to be together! Our wedding date is set for 8th Sep, 2007”

It really strains credulity, doesn’t it? And so it goes, story after story…  Shaadi claims to have assisted over 800,000 weddings since its creation, and it looks as if at least half of them have sent in their wedding photos and letters of gratitude.

The traditional Indian way of life puts great importance in marriage, which is why it is usually arranged by entire families after much discussion and investigation: potential brides and grooms are matched according to their family values, horoscope, even blood type. It was interesting to notice that many profiles at Shaadi are created and administered by the mothers or aunts of the single men or women in display, who in turn contact other mothers and aunts to discuss the compatibility of their families and of the bride and groom in question. To a Westerner such as the author, it would seem that this somewhat impersonal process could only lead to unhappy and dissatisfied couples – after all, many of them only meet once or twice before the wedding. How can that lead to a happy marriage, when it takes us months to decide it is time to move in together? And even then it’s “depending on how things go?”

Indian people have a very well-kept secret: the secret key to love, trust, and fulfillment in a couple. It seems we have forgotten how to really, truly fall in love the way these couples do, without reservations, ifs or buts. Just look at this story and tell me it doesn’t warm your heart:

“Out of the innumerable proposals I received and profiles I saw, his was the only profile I expressed interest in. A few days later he sent me an email. That was it. There was instant chemistry. The first time we had a chat, I knew that he was the one, but tried to keep my emotions under control. Without even seeing him I fell in love. And he too felt the same. The mails continued on a regular basis. We chatted for long hours and phone calls followed.

Only then we realized that our parents had met each other earlier. Our parents then met once again and he decided to come to my city to get engaged. We met on Sunday and decided to get married instead of getting engaged on Thursday as we realized we couldn’t live without each other.”

Although I do not necessarily advocate arranged marriages – nor do I advise anyone to marry on the first date – I think there is a very important lesson here for anyone who is giving online dating a try: don’t be so guarded! Instead of holding back all the time “depending on how things go,” try opening yourself to “without even seeing him I fell in love,” and you will be more likely to succeed on your search for a partner. May love whisk you off your feet on a magic carpet!

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