We may have our moments from time to time, but in our hearts we all know that we’re nervous and excited to be meeting someone new.
Yet none of us want to expose ourselves unduly to someone new, particularly not a prospective mate whom we met online. This leads to stilted communication and gawky behaviors as we don our different dating personas.
Here are three common behavioral patterns that many people will find themselves falling into when first meeting a potential companion:
1. The Creep
This is the person who obviously wants to get something out but can’t figure out how to bring the topic up in the flow of a conversation. Creepy behavior tends to involve a lot of sophomoric jokes and puns, in addition to oodles of indirect, obviously sexual requests (like: “I would love to find something to do with you that we could both enjoy…”) In general, men tend to have more problems with being creepy then women, probably because men tend to be more focused on the physical aspect of a relationship. Combat creepy behavior in your date by asking very direct, very blunt questions (like: “Is that a sex thing?”) Combat creepy behavior in yourself by focusing on relating to your date as a person rather than an opportunity.
2. The Crazy
This is the person whose life story hangs on their lips and whose heart hangs on their sleeve. The Crazy tends to talk and talk and talk, constantly blurring the line between conversation, confession and kvetching. It can be tempting to get drawn into the Crazy’s pattern and try to match their stories with a monologue of your own; don’t fall for it. The best way to combat this behavior is to focus on a shared activity – go to a museum, a ballgame, anything that establishes a common point of interest. Combat this behavior in yourself by listening to your date and actively talking about topics which you are unfamiliar with.
3. The Interrogator
This is the person who seems to have an invisible notepad they are constantly checking while in conversation with you. Interrogators ask a lot of questions, both loaded and extremely loaded. The most effective means of battling the interrogative process is with humor. People who are asking tons and tons of questions are usually trying to weed out the behaviors which have hurt them in the past; take the time to put them at ease with something funny like a joke or an observation, and do your best to inject some humor into the situation. Battle this behavior in yourself through actively recounting your past, rather than retro-actively living through it.
We all fall into negative habits like these – it is as human as it gets. The trick is not trying to be perfect, but actively checking in with yourself and your role in a relationship. Once you can identify how you are interacting and how you are feeling, then you will be all the more effective in deciding how you will act.
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