The Importance of Sex – Part 2

In Part 1 of The Importance of Sex we looked at checking in with yourself as a sexual being. In Part 2, we’ll look at talking with your partner.

And Now for Something Completely Different

The incomparable basketball coach John Wooden based much of his basketball life on the notion that you never talk about score while playing basketball. Which is not to say that basic requests weren’t made and met of teammates during play, of course they were. But that while the game was going, the playing was of importance, the score was not.

So too is sex best discussed with clothes on at times. Particularly in the beginning, it is of the utmost importance that you two have a meeting of the minds. If you plan on working out long-term that is (not that I’m a proponent for the rockstar life but if this is someone that is going to be a moment in time more than anything else, then go right ahead and forego the heart to heart).

This is for relationship building. Actual communication regarding your sexual life is absolutely necessary in laying the groundwork for long-term relationship success. Sex is generally the only thing that couples share exclusively with one another – you better be sure that it’s working out for both of you!

Here’s how to make the conversation work for you:

3 Points

There are three basic issues to address in your first sex conversation. They are as follows:

  1. How you feel about yourself as a sexual being: We looked at this in Part 1 of The Importance of Sex and will again in Part 3 but it is the first topic to be talked about. I know it can be tough to talk about, particularly all of the negative feelings you may have, but you must do it. Not only will it pay immediate dividends in terms of working towards fixing the issues, it will help you to feel closer to this person. More Closeness = better sex. Make sure they talk about their feelings as a sexual person as well.
  2. Birth Control: Yeah! Everyone’s favorite conversation – birth control! Sex makes babies and transmits diseases – grow up and deal with it. Are you guys going to use condoms? Are you guys thinking about IUDs or pills? Maybe neither of you believe in that stuff. Topic 2 is the logistics of the consequences of your sex.
  3. What You are Open To: The last topic is the best topic, or at least, it should be the most fun to talk about. This is where you guys get down to talking about what you like in bed. Nitty gritty, graphic details, if you’ve done a good job with the first two points then this talk could even make you two a little hot and bothered.

Read Part 3 of The Importance of Sex for a look at the role sexuality plays in your own self-image.

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