Wanting to Know What You WantIf you don’t want to know what you want, then internet dating is not for you. Some people don’t like to know what they want – they would prefer to careen from event to event, person to person, making the most out of what comes through their lives. For whatever reason, they don’t like to know what they want. This is not a judgment of such people nor is it a blanket categorization, it’s an observation. Some people don’t want to know what they want – they prefer to discover it in the doing. On the other hand, internet daters know what they want, or rather, successful internet daters know what they want. The crux of the internet courtship dance is written communication. Join eHarmony.com and you’ll face hundreds and hundreds of questions designed to get at what you are looking for in your new mate… all of which you should be thrilled to answer: “Does your partner’s political affiliation mean something to you?” “Does your partner’s height matter?” Questions like these help sites like eHarmony.com and Chemistry.com find you someone as close as possible to your specific tastes. Of course, you have to be open to being honest and clear in describing what you want (in addition to being honest about who you are). However, due to the practical limitations of setting people up en masse, no where will any such dating site ask you that most profound of questions, “Do you want to know what you want?” They can’t! But we can. Do you want to know what you want? Now if that single question is a little too loaded for you to answer straight out, here are 3 questions to help shape your decision:
Here’s how to interpret your answers: If you answered yes to questions 1 or 2, then you do in fact want to know what you want. You are at the very least, aware of specific traits that do or do not work for you – you are a discerning dater. The answers to question 3 are a little more nuanced in their descriptive capacities. If your answer was along the lines of basic traits (ie someone who is smart, someone who is funny, etc etc) then you want to know what you want. If your answer was more towards someone who will activate you (ie “someone who will have fun with me”) then you are less interested in knowing what you want. While no one falls cleanly into one category or the other, we all have basic proclivities. Understanding your own tendencies will help you enjoy your life, with or without the aid of internet dating. You don’t have to spell out every curve on your dream lover’s body, nor do you have to reject any and all expectations – all you have to do is understand how you work and what will work for you. The rest will fall into place. |
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