What’s so wrong with being a nice man? - Part 1Online dating can be a great way to meet new people, but it can also be ruthless and cruel. In this 2-part article we investigate the mean side of dating: why can’t a perfectly nice guy get any dates? As a woman, my online dating experiences have gone from the sublime to the ridiculous, but they have certainly never been boring. I expected it would be the same for men until I volunteered to help my cousin test-drive the online dating machine. Now, my cousin is a nice boy and a good looking one too. He has a great job and earns really well, he is very intelligent and can talk about almost any topic with good knowledge (just don’t get him started on cars unless you really, really like cars). He’s not a big sports fan, he is polite and courteous and goes out of his way to treat a lady well - after all, he’s had me for a coach! Family pride aside, the boy is a catch. Nobody is perfect, and neither is my dear cousin: he is not very good at small talk, his sense of humor is quite childish, and he can go on a LOT about certain topics that fascinate him; think Ross from Friends and dinosaurs (did I mention my cousin loves dinosaurs?) But I don’t think any of these are fatal flaws: he is essentially a geekish guy with a heart of pure gold who wants to meet a nice girl and start a relationship. “You should give online dating a go. I’m sure we’ll find you someone lovely.” I said, “The Internet is full of fantastic girls looking for a good man, and since good men are scarce nowadays, the odds are in your favor!” He reluctantly agreed to let me help him set up an online dating account with some cute pics and an engaging profile essay. Since he was uneasy about the whole thing, I told him I’d manage his account and just show him the likelier candidates. I checked out the girls who were his “personality matches” and sent interest messages to the ones that seemed his type: cute, intelligent, down-to earth girls. I then braced myself for an avalanche of responses. Nothing. None of the girls I contacted showed any interest back. I went over the pictures, the essays, the personality profile, in case we had inadvertently written something that made people think he’s a serial killer sought by the Interpol. All I could see was the profile of a sweet, smart guy with reasonably good looks who was looking for someone similar. Why is he getting no love? I have a few theories about this. Read on to find out what they are. |
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